Somehow after an upgrade I lost the login information to my account. I thought my blog was gone because I’m sure it would take WordPress a long time to take the necessary steps to get me back in. However I am in!

So much has happened in the last few months. I’m sure I’ll elaborate later in individual posts but in a nutshell I got married, had a wonderful adventure to the west coast and then got back to real life.

It’s been fast. It does all go so fast, which is to be expected. People warned me about it before the wedding like it would be a surprise. I knew it. I was able to savor our reception. I made sure to watch the time and enjoy every moment. It was everything we wanted–a big party.

There were so many different groups of people and they all came together. It was so much fun. Our venue was perfect for the people who have never been to Indy before, then it was also new for the people that were here. A great way to view the city. It was beautiful.

Now that I’m back I’m realizing while I’m not planning a wedding, life is just settling. We’ve lived in our apartment since February and we still haven’t fully settled things in. We are still working on it.

I’m also back in the swing of healthy eating after holding off for a month and a half. I feel better.

So between married life and new recipes, I have plenty to be writing about. Stay tuned!

Why can’t weddings be simple? It’s my day, supposedly. It’s really frustrating trying to make it all work. I didn’t want anything complicating. If my fiancé and I had it our way, we would go to the JP.

I felt really anxious today, but kept it together. Then after work it was like all the shit hit the fan, pardon my language.

I know it will be fine, but man is it stressful in the process.

I get married in three days. Well two, I suppose, since it’s after midnight and technically Thursday. This will probably be my last time of blogging, which I wanted to do throughout this experience. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that weddings make your life busy. Maybe even busier than being a student.

I don’t really know how I feel. It’s a mix of excitement mixed with nervous. I’m anxious. All eyes are going to be on us and that’s weird to me. All these wonderful people will be at a place for us. All this work and effort over the last year will be over in a matter of hours. Of course the time between now and then will CRAWL. But come Friday at 4:45 when my alterations guru comes to put me in my dress, it’s going to fly.

I know to expect hiccups. A few people tell me not to worry. Funny, I expect it. That’s what happens when you work in catering for a few years. You know things will go wrong.

Another thing I’ve learned is weddings are all about you until someone disagrees with what you want to do. Then suddenly it becomes an issue.

It’s been quite the journey, this engagement process. It’s truly a test to your relationship with your significant other, your friends and family. Everyone reacts differently. While it’s the couple’s day, everyone else there helps make it special. Granted, I still would be okay if it were just the two of us at the JP getting married….but that’s not an option.

A lot of my anxiety has gone down. Last week I was anxious about all the things I couldn’t control. And it wasn’t an OCD or over-reactive control. It was literally things that weren’t on my to-do list and couldn’t be on my to-do list. But they needed to get done. Or just waiting on people.

I had a good talk with my cousin/made of honor tonight and she was talking to me about a text I sent on how to calm down due to anxiety. She was telling me about life as a mom with three kids and just not having time. With normal busy every day life, I can handle the most stressful of situations. I think what’s different about a wedding is how many unknowns are out there. I fear that. That’s a fault of mine. Now it’s not a complete fear. Like I said, I was in catering so I know to expect anything. But just all those little details got to last week.

Thankfully this week I’m much calmer. I’ll occasionally get a rushed feeling in my chest when I think of things I have to do or people I know I’ll see.

I don’t know why I can’t just sit back and 100% enjoy this. I will, but there is literally a three or four page schedule dedicated to my wedding. That’s insane. Three to four days? It’s true though. And it all has to get done.

Soon it’ll be my future husband and I’s trip. We’ll be relaxing drinking wine or some sort of alcoholic beverage. It will be amazing. It’s just getting there. Getting through the party. Enjoying it. Blowing off the people and their opinions. Making sure everything gets done, and not stressing over what can’t change.

That’s my advice to brides–don’t stress over things you have no control over. (Going back to catering, learned that in those days). You have to be cool calm and collected. I’vet tried to be. I do need to start making myself smile more when people ask me if I’m excited. I am. For some reason when people want to talk about it, I get that rush of anxiety and make a funny face. Every time.  Maybe my goal will be to just take compliments and smile. Funny, it’s so hard for us girls. I’ll make an effort.

I will say I’m so thankful to have a wonderful fiance, friends and family. And vendors. Without them, I would have no hair 🙂 Here’s to getting married!

Anxiety. Stress. That’s me right now before the wedding. And you know what’s sad? Everything for the most part has gone swimmingly!

I’ve had some drama here and there, but I think what stresses me out us just how much it has to take over.

My family, friends and fiancé have been great. I’m incredibly thankful for their support.

I think this week in particular hit me because it doesn’t feel like it’s here. I think that’s mostly because for the last couple years I’ve taken vacations in September. But it also doesn’t feel like my wedding is next week.

Hence some stress. It’s all down to the wire. I can’t sleep, my body is out if whack and I know it’s all anxiety.

I know I shouldn’t be stressed or think about the small things. But they all matter. Sure they might not feel like it when it’s all said and done. It all matters though.

I think that’s why I feel so exhausted. It’s almost here. All this planning for one day that’ll come and go.

What’s more important is us. We’re both kicking ourselves for not going to the JP. We aren’t having an enormous ceremony but it had to be more than originally planned. I love everyone coming but it’s really supposed to be ours. I let that get away, but I’m sure I’ll be thankful later.

Just in interim I think about. All of it. It’s crazy.