My Dreams Are Reminding Me I’m Nervous

My dreams are realistic. For the most part, it’s like everyday life. I see color in them and a lot of the time feel too.

Lately I’ve tried to shake any fears about this upcoming move. I have really just been getting excited.  It’s like that excitement when you know a fun trip is coming up. I don’t think I quite get what is getting ready to happen.

Ever since I was younger I wanted to move. Sure, I moved in with my fiancé, but it was slow. Over time. Then I was always looking forward to “the place we get together.” I even changed my address out to here over the summer just because I didn’t think a move would happen. But with my long drives to work and just the fact was have to drive far to the places we like, I’ve been exhausted living out here.

Most of all, I think it’s just that it doesn’t feel like home to me. I do like this city though. I complain about it, but overall it’s a nice little place. For the most part it’s super safe and as much as I bitch about people in my way at the grocery store, people are really friendly here. It does have everything you need all in a mile strip and I hear it’s pretty cheap to live here.

However for some reason I’ve never bonded with this place, despite coming out here/living here for the past eight years. I mean that’s a long chunk of my life. I’ve had a lot of great memories here, not just with my fiancé but with our friends too.

I’ve always felt connected to downtown Indianapolis. I knew how much I loved it when I started college on a downtown campus. So maybe all this time I’ve never connected to where my parents live, or where I currently live, because my heart is truly downtown. I remember always enjoying going down there as a kid, and whenever we traveled, I always remembered when I saw the Chase tower, I was almost home. That view of the skyline has always been in my head–I just haven’t been stopping there. It’s always a little bit, or a lot of bit, further.

Now I’m less than two weeks from that.

There are still some things up in the air that haven’t been resolved (i.e. the house isn’t sold), and I’ve really just tried to suppress the fears and just enjoy what the next couple weeks will bring since the fears aren’t anything I can control.

My dreams last night reminded me my world is getting ready to flip upside down and I need to make sure I’m not floating in la-la land. Funny, I’ve been so stressed about it and finally when I breathe, I’m told not to. Or maybe the dreams were just a reminder.

Or perhaps my dreams reminded me that things are starting to get real. They are. A couple boxes are put together.

…deep breaths.

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