This is a topic I’ve been writing and working on for a few years now. It is the worst. The absolute worst.

The most ignorant thing some people say are, “Oh, people just need to excercise. Run. Quit eating junk.”

Sure, sounds easy?

Well, after a long day at work and a laundry list of to-dos at home, the last thing I want to do is workout and spend 30-45 minutes cooking something healthy.

I’m not in a hardcore workout/eating regime at the moment.  Before my trip to NYC, I told myself I needed to take a break from it. I’ve been dieting and in fits for years and it’s just mentally exhausting.  I needed to refocus.

But when you have a goal to lose weight, whether you’re working or not, it’s on your mind. 24 hours, seven days a week.

I know I start getting into my head, and I know I would feel better if I was just skinnier. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a very happy person. But being just 10 lbs. lighter would make things a little bit better. That sounds ridiculous.

I wish it were just easy. There are some people that are just thin. And then there are people like me that have to work.

I get all the time, “Oh you look great. You don’t have to work.” Sure I do. If I ate whatever I wanted, when I wanted and didn’t exercise regularly it’d all catch up. I almost have to yo-yo. Lately, I’ve maintained.

Not sure what happened, because up until my sophomore year in college I was fine, but I think my thyroid went crazy a few years ago. Plus I had a super crazy and stressful school semester. It set me up for a disaster and I’ve had to keep working hard really since.

With the holidays coming up, it’s really hard to stay focused. It’s hard when there is so much to do to work out and eat healthy. It’s not easy.

Then again, there have been times when I’ve been dieting hardcore that I avoided all bad things. I even made my boyfriend brownies AND didn’t lick the batter. Had donuts and cookies in front of me and didn’t even look. Ran hard for 30-45 minutes straight five nights a week.

It’s exhausting though. But eventually, it will get done. I wonder, when I’m where I want to be, will it ever be good enough? Only time will tell…

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